Why not throw it all into one giant, cozy, messy campaign?
Call it “Campaign 1” for good measure.
Search + Display Network? Combine ‘em!
Top of funnel, competitor and brand terms? Put ‘em all in the same ad group with a DKI ad – let Google sort ‘em out.
There’s no better way to throttle the performance of high-intent, high-converting keywords than to mash them together with high-volume, low-converting keywords into a campaign that’s “limited by budget.”
Your chaotic structure will make it impossible to tell what’s working and what’s not.
Reporting becomes a beautiful nightmare, and budget optimization is now rightfully impossible.
It’s not disorganized, it’s “hagakure*!”
(*Of course, accounts can also suffer from being overly granular. Hagakure, as a principle, isn’t inherently bad. It’s the blanket permission to abandon structure that turns it into a problem.)
Day 7: Turn the user journey into a maze
At its core, the paid search conversion sequence is pretty simple:
The keyword reflects the user’s intent (“I have a problem”).
The ad connects the problem of the keyword to the solution of the offer.
The landing page delivers the solution with a clear call to action, inviting a conversion.
Boooooring.
Still, it’s a simple path. So how could anyone possibly mess it up?
The answer is just as simple: misalignment.
Whether you ignore the user entirely or overcomplicate every step, the result is the same: a chaotic journey that guarantees missed conversions.
Here are two popular ways to get it wrong.
Option 1: The passive approach
Here’s where you don’t really think about the person behind the search.
You just throw a bunch of unrelated keywords and ads into the system and hope that Google will serve the “right” message to the “right” audience.
It’s a beautiful dream!
Option 2: The overcomplexity approach
This one requires a bit more effort and, more importantly, many more buzzwords. It sounds like this:
“Advertising used to be simple: see ad, buy product. But today’s sophisticated consumers need 50+ touchpoints, and the user journey takes a team of PhDs to track.”
Spoiler: Advertising has never succeeded without alignment.
When you replace a basic understanding of your audience’s motivations with marketing mix models (MMM) and convoluted attribution tools, you end up just as lost as your audience.
Here’s the thing: whether you’re too passive or overly complex, both paths lead to the same questions when performance tanks:
Was it the keyword?
The ad copy?
The landing page?
Or just Mercury in retrograde again?
When your user journey becomes a maze, the answer doesn’t matter. Your customer is already gone.
Day 8: Madlib your way to ad copy
Why do your customers choose you over your competitors?
If you don’t know – or better yet, don’t care – it’s time to throw together a bland word scramble that quietly vanishes into the SERP. Here’s how:
Write some cookie-cutter headlines filled with vague superlatives and uninspired CTAs. If that’s too much, let Google Ads auto-create them or get an AI tool to do it for you.
Leave your headlines unpinned, since the key to an effective headline is that it delivers the same message backward, forward, and in any random order.
Now let Google Ads work its magic by optimizing your headlines for clicks. Google’s revenue model depends on clicks, so it’ll prioritize ad combinations that drive the most clicks, not necessarily those that bring you qualified clicks or …(gross)… conversions.
Only measure ad success using metrics like clicks and CTR. These numbers are trending up across Google Ads accounts anyway, so you’ll feel accomplished watching the graph climb, even as your conversions plummet.
It’s a bit of a long game, but this system ensures your ads stay vague, attract untargeted clicks, and burn through your budget without reaching your ideal customers.
Because really… who needs ‘em?
Day 9: Change everything, all the time
Want to master the art of campaign chaos? Here’s your step-by-step guide:
Try something new.
If it doesn’t deliver instant results, panic and immediately reverse it.
When that change doesn’t magically fix things either, try something totally different.
Still no immediate success? Perfect! Pause or delete the campaign entirely.
Bonus: this approach will keep your bid strategies in an indefinite “learning period.”
Learning mode is Google’s way of saying, “Let’s experiment with your budget!”
Expect sky-high CPCs, random placements, and risky behavior any brand manager would faint over as Google flails around trying to make sense of your constant changes.
This roller coaster guarantees maximum frustration, minimum ROI, and a campaign that never, ever stabilizes.
Who needs stability when you can chase the thrill of constant reinvention and keep your results unpredictable?
Day 10: Expand, expand, expand
Success in Google Ads depends on qualifying, targeting, and speaking directly to your ideal audience.
Achieving the opposite effect is actually pretty easy: Go broad, baby!
Do whatever it takes to get the most impressions – qualified or not. After all, if 100% of the global population sees your ad, and even 0.01% take action, you’ll sell millions!
Don’t limit location targeting to areas where you do business or see results. Be sure to use the default “Presence or Interest” to pay for clicks from locations you’re not actually targeting.
Don’t limit languages to the language your ads and offers are written in.
Don’t keep your ads from running on irrelevant apps or YouTube videos for minors.
Don’t exclude audience segments that are unlikely to convert.
Assume that all views and clicks are equally valuable, even if they’re generated accidentally, in bad faith, or by two-year-olds through the “suitable for families” content loophole.
If reach is the name of your paid search game, you’re definitely playing a losing game.
There are plenty of other ways to mess with your Google Ads account, but these 10 guarantee a disaster worse than an ad-libbed karaoke duet. Happy failing!
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